things i have to say but can't find a way to thread them together:

- i never realized how awful the lyrics to the carmen sandiego theme song were. judge for yourself....... HERE
- was oddly nostalgic, so i went on ytmnd.com...???
- silver spurs diner? IT RULES.
- all this hype about kate's oscar makes me want her to lose. might be me holding a grudge because i never saw the reader
- the actual definition of the word "downtrodden" is: oppressed or treated badly by people in power. may still hold true, but not as a synonym for "melancholy".
- f entourage. most overrated show in america. it always sound like dead air to me, i don't get what I AM MISSING!!!!!!
- devendra banhart, i spent a year thinking you were cool, but now i've come to realize, you piss me off
- los angeles = palm trees (some assembly required)
- i hate that walk for 4,492,572 different reasons.
- it makes me almost cry
- that is a very deliberate 'almost', because i forget how to actually follow through with it
- neekapz r weird!!!111oneoneone
- bad sex really is worse than other awful things. like syphilis
- when i think "happy childhood".... i think "douglas yancy funnie"
- never met so many lame foreign dudes at once, GOOD JOB WoWoWoW!!!
- this is self-indulgent and rude, but i also forget how to apologize. and i wanted my coffee hot, not iced. today has no soundtrack. just the radiatoRrrRrRrrr.

uh>?>,l???

a few fine years of jumping on pillows and reaching for one absolute... attempting to hold time tiny. but then we're fucked and we plummet back to settling and we cry about the good times. an apparition about lost aspiration. i'm in the present but presiding in the future and looking back... and mawkishly...(very...) without being articulate, and from necessity and self-righteousness, comes a weird phenomenon... and sad too. that........ is the over-quoted Life, but since i'm in the heart of it, i could not care less.

i will think over it instead...

for now

(update: now that i am coherent and sober, i am still researching if those were really tadpoles i drank last night.) 

the clock's held 9:15 for hours

started my day with coffee and special k vanilla almond... ending my day with coffee and special k vanilla almond. i am one big revolving creature of habit. 

music that i've listened to today, in order, to give you a of jist of my mood progression throughout the hourz: esperanza spalding, like 4 miles albums, norah jones, rufus wainwright, the smiths. just took my ipod off the dock and am deciding if i'm in the mood to listen to any music at all right now. i think i'm tired of noise. my ears hurt and my nerves are all pinching together. i'm all muzak'd out. 

things that i did today: nothing, redid my resume, applied to 20 internships most of which are for publishing houses or wEbZiNeZz... want to do webvideo writing for the onion so badly... cover letters are stupid... firefox makes me feel claustrophobic and i don't know why i'm using it right now... do i really want to be here all summer???

i am going to go and read the rolling stone compilation of dylan interviews because i can't think in concrete thoughts right now and that's prob the only thing i can read at the moment without wandering. i think i applied to a job on their website's editorial team...or started to maybe... they wanted a blog............

#99

off sufjan's satan saxophones, 

and while i create verse somewhere in my head from marshmallows,

the dinosaurs are walking around in swamps expecting to survive.

in their pleated iron armor and six-inch spikes off their spines

they could very well have been purple or polka dotted,

'cause who's to say they weren't? who was there?

when i was little i dreamed 'what ifs' like mad, what if

a dinosaur egg hatched in tasmania, and they returned to earth?

i used to think we could coexist-- when i got older i was sure 

we didn't have a chance. nowadays i know the baby would be killed,

probably with a quick clean razor, so as not to upset mothers.

it would throw us all up in the air for a while, though,

sharing this earth with an antiquated boogie monster.

it would not bode well for science.

numbered thoughts:

1. wait i can't believe i have a blog still

2. i can't believe i have so many paper cuts on my hands. OW fuckin OW

3. obsessed with "i'm on a boat"...have watched it like 8 times in the past 24 hours

4. wow my screenplay sucks!

5. only on page 6

6. it's nice to lay on the floor and not worry about mice

7. woop there it is

8. so long marianne

9. some boy gimme ur jeanz i want em

10. that was dykey of me

11. chelsea hotel no2 > no1

12. whatever happened to my tattoo

13. luv

14. painfullyxpasse: youre a big nerd

15. fifteen by taylor swift... epitome of lame... listened to it twice today

nj: salvation from ny

I AM SO GLAD I AM NOT IN NY RIGHT NOW. too much at a time literally drives me insane, especially when it's violently cold out and i can barely gather the energy to walk from 14th to campus more than once a day. jack kerouac-- new york gets god awful cold in the winter, TRUE, but there is a wacky comeradship somewhere in the streetz, FALSE. so false i want to vomit. it actually makes people harder, which at first seems impossible, harder and more depressed. sux for you all who are there right now. i really do feel your pain, and i am sorry.. jersey pride 4e

sitting on the couch, just watched the end of pearl harbor, what a sad stupid GOOD movie. i didn't time anything on my commute back (i never do) so i missed the 6:35 by about three seconds and had to wait at hoboken until the 7:15. not a bad thing-- actually the highlight of my day. i love train stations. plus i bought the best cup of coffee i have had in a while. for a dollar, from a cool indian girl who complimented me on what she thought was my scarf but was actually my hair. i don't know how she confused the two but whatever. it was a nice compliment and i took it. i wasn't wearing a scarf, and the coffee was amazing. 

two weeks of (barely) functioning on idle mode caught up with me yesterday when 1) i got raped in the face with notices about study abroad deadlines and 2) the first form for housing lottery was e-mailed and i realized i have to think about where i'm living next year. how fun and burdensome and as if i don't already have 89 things on my mind. ty nyu, again, for being great. i don't think i can afford to spend an entire semester abroad, i don't have that kind of time if i want to double major/double degree... wait how am i already halfway done with college..??? let me just ignore that until later like i do with all of my problems. but yes. i'd just feel useless if i graduated from this grimy place with nothing but a BFA. sOoo looks like i'm doing a summer abroad instead of a semester! which works out i guess, but if i decide to go abroad this summer, i might have to postpone my ideal Bonnaroo-roadtrip plans until next year. fucking a. why can't i do exactly what i want all the goddamned time? why has everything got to be so meaaan? firenze, here i come, maybe in a few months or maybe next summer, ......maybe maybe baby baby. decision to come... somewhere in the vague future.

last night i got high and rewatched i'm not there and ate blue chips. that film is so good it makes me angry because i know 80% of the people who watched it had no clue what was going on because they have not taught themselves everything there is to know about the man involved. WHAT I THINK ... what i think is that everybody should know everything about bob dylan, he should be taught in high school. the world would be better and cleaner and prettier and people wouldn't suck as much. blah. my frivolous entry ends here.

oh yeah, and i'm sure you know the dire straits song romeo and juliet, but have you ever seen the cracked out video that supplements it? holy crap. prime 80's insanity attached to this link. click there, watch it, feel weird. nice aside, that song makes me cry with or without the video. right. now i'm going ta sleep in my nice full-sized beautiful faithful bed. and i will wake up and eat a bagel. na na na peace.